What Have I Done? (Tag Evaine)

Jim's chest heaved in and out by the time he got to his room. He had sprinted all the way from the lawns, through the castle, and up the stairs, not pausing for breath for a second. There was a pain in his side by the time he stumbled inside, slamming the door behind him, but that was nothing compared to the storm raging inside his head. God, he was so stupid. How could he ever think that everything would be alright once he went to the Death Eaters? It had to be them, they had to have been the one that had done this to him. The Imperius Curse, someone had uttered it, though he couldn't remember who. Somehow, it had made him transform, he was sure of it. He wasn't sure how or why, but it did. He had played right into their hands like an idiot, and had ended up doing the very thing he had been trying to prevent. He slammed his fist into the wall, kicked his bedpost, banged his head against the wall, anything to try and get rid of the frustration that was spiraling inside him. But eventually, that anger gave into guilt and disgust with himself. He ended up collapsing onto his knees, burying his face in his hands as he started to sob. How could Evaine and Valerie ever forgive him now? He had hurt them, either physically or emotionally. How couldn't he control himself? Why did he have this curse? Why the hell was he even here? No matter what he did, he always ended up hurting someone. Why did he even bother trying?

Evaine's legs rushed as fast as they could to catch up with Jim but he was much faster thanks to running from bullies and being a werewolf. She made it towards the common room before forcing her feet to walk up the steps to the dorms. Tried from running she pushed open the boy's dorm room before opening the door to Jim's room. Gasping at him sitting on the floor curled up in a ball she walked over towards him "Jimmy.." she softly said rubbing his hands "Hey come on look at me... Please don't do this.." it painted to see him like this and not knowing hoe to take it away. She leaned forward kissing his forehead, stroking the side of his face gently. Why couldn't people leave Jim alone, what even happened to turn him into a wolf? Why did he stop? "Jim...' she said again her voice cracking, tears forming in her eyes. She could care less about him attacking her but seeing him scared, full of guilt, angry at himself. Pained her more that anything.

Jim had forgotten to lock his door in all his haste, and he jumped when he felt Evaine's hands on his. He looked up, eyes watery. His heart quivered when he saw her looking at him so tenderly, as if he hadn't just tried to rip out her insides. How could she still look at him like that after what he did to her? He didn't feel worthy of her at all. She was an angel, the kindness person he had ever known. He was a monster, an animal, someone who attacked his friends and hurt them. He shook his head, more tears falling. "How can you...how can you treat me like this?" he asked, sobs breaking in between his words. "I just...I could have taken off your arm. I could have...torn you to pieces. I could have bitten you. How can you..." He couldn't continue. His guilt and shame seemed to crowd out his voice.

"Shh.." she rubbed her thumb under his eyes whipping his tears away teach time they fell "Cause I love you Jim." her voice to soft and calm trying to be strong for him and for herself. Evaine sat next to him gently putting her arms around his shoulders letting his head rest on her chest, running her fingers threw his messy hair "How now.. Don't talk like that it's just a tiny scratch you can barely see it." she chuckled nervously not knowing what to say to calm him down or even breaking into tears herself seeing him so broken. She held him even close to her, lowering her head she kissed his salty face from all the crying he's done several times, her hand rubbed his back gently "Your still the same Jim... Please don't.... Don't push me away.. We can get threw this just let me help please." she begged breaking down from hearing him crying so much, she bite down on her lower lip blinking a few tears from her eyes.

Jim wiped his eyes, trying to get a hold of himself. But he just couldn't. He felt like he was being pulled under into deep, dark water, sinking towards the bottom with nobody to help him. "That's not just a..." He drew in a shuddery breath, gesturing towards her arm. "You're still bleeding, for God's sake! Why are you here? You should be getting that looked at..." His tears drowned out his words again, but he let Evaine pull him against her, her hand soft against his head. She still cared. Her love for him wouldn't let anything he did drive her away, even if it was better that way. And despite what he had done, he didn't want her to leave. He didn't know what he would do if she did. "It's not...just you," he said. "It's Val. You should have seen her face. She...she must hate me now." He sniffled, tears blurring his vision again. "She was so scared. She'll never want to come near me again."

Despite the fake that her arm was still bleeding, drops of blood running down her arm. Her stubbornness to make sure Jim was okay first, was all that mattered to her. Wanting and Needing to know he was alright, if he was going to be alright Evaine frowned yes Valerie had seen that Jim was a werewolf, she must be so confused after all she's fourteen still young to understand how Jim could be such a nice guy and turn into that. "Emily was scared of you and we was able to show her the good things about you.. We can get Val to see that.. it might be a little harder than Emily but we need to try." she lift his face up to make him look at her "Alright?" she gave him a soft smile "And i'm staying with you tonight.. I'm not leaving you alone."

Evaine did have a point. Emily had been scared of Jim for a while, but after he had explained more about himself and his curse, she had forgiven him. Hell, she even thought of him as a friend now. He wasn't sure if the same would work with Valerie, but it was worth trying. He wiped his face with his sleeve, finally calming down a bit. He still felt guilty about what he had done, but sitting here crying wasn't going to solve things. Action was always the best way of solving things. He took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself. "If you're going to stay...bandage your arm, at least," he said. "I don't want you...losing a lot of blood. Just use a shirt of mine or something." He looked around for a moment before finding a discarded black T-shirt on the ground. He reached over and handed it to her.

Evaine nodded her head before Jim handed her his shirt "Again i think i'll have to get yourself more shirts seeing I cry on them." she wasn't going to say about the bleeding. She ripped some of the fabric off before looking at him "sorry.." she said wrapping it around her arm and let Jim tie it up tight to make the bleeding stop. She leaned over stroking his cheek before pressing her lips against his gently.

"I've got plenty, don't worry about it," Jim replied. He wiped away the last of his tears. Most signs of his earlier hysteria were gone now that he had calmed down a bit. He just had to focus on the now instead of what had happened just a few moments before. "Don't apologize. I'm the one who attacked you," he muttered. "Can't imagine what would have happened if I had made my way inside the school..." His voice trailed off, not wanting to even think about it. Don't think about that. Focus on the now. Focus on the present. He took another deep breath, trying to get his bearings. Evaine pressed her lips against his and he kissed her back for a moment, but he couldn't find himself getting lost in her kiss like he usually did. His mind was just too heavily weighed down by everything that had happened: getting that note, seeing Voldemort in person, and now turning into a werewolf in front of people he knew and loved. It was just too much for him. He pulled away, sighing. "I'm sorry. I just..." His voice trailed off, not sure what to say. All he could do was wrap his hand around Evaine's, just needing to keep her close to him.

"Jim..." she said looking at him not wanting him to beat himself up for hurting her once again. She worried about him as he held her hand "Wanna get in bed and cuddle?" she asked kissing his cheek again "If you want you can tell me all that happened..." Evaine stood up as she helped him up and got in bed. Pulling the covers over them she held him close to her as she rubbed his forehead "I love you.."

Jim just nodded, letting Evaine pull him into his bed and hold him close to her. Despite having calmed down, his arms still held her a little desperately, as if he was clinging onto her for dear life. He let out an uneasy breath. Could he really tell her everything? Well, he had to tell someone. It did involve Death Eaters, after all. And Voldemort himself. "I..." He swallowed, his voice already shaking. Come on, Jim. Get a hold of yourself. "I...got this note...from the Death Eaters." He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. "They told me to come to the Shrieking Shack or there would be consequences. I had to go. What choice did I have? I didn't want to see my parents get killed, or Todd, or Brie, or...or you." He paused for a moment, breathing deeply as he tried to keep his voice steady. "And it wasn't just me who got a letter like this. Other people were there besides me. Lilo, Laura, Ambrose, Rose, even Professor Melgrove. And...there were...Death Eaters, everywhere. They all surrounded us. We couldn't escape even if we wanted to. And then..." He stopped, that familiar trickle of fear creeping into his system. He held Evaine tighter, as if she could shield him from it. "You-Know-Who. He was there. He was...Eva, he was...he has a host, or...or something. I don't know, but...it was awful. He said that...he was going to use us to spread a message. He was going to use us to let people know that he had returned." His voice started to shake, but his words tumbled out in a rush, just wanting to finish this tale as quickly as possible. "Someone, I don't know who, cast the Imperius Curse on us. I remember that clearly. Someone said Imperio. And then...the next thing I knew, I woke up on the lawns out there." He let out another unsteady breath, his face getting clammy. "Don't hate me for going, Eva. Please. I had to. If I lost any of you, I wouldn't be able to bear it. It was to protect you, I swear it was."

((I"m off to bed. Good night!))

Evaine felt Jim hugging her tightly, looking down at him with a slight frown she softly stroked her fingers threw his hair humming to him. Once he started talking about his meeting with the death Eaters her eyes slightly widen "W-what.." she said, taking the letter from his hands frowning that they threaten Jim to hurt his loved ones if he didn't show up but hearing who ells was their her eyes widen even more "L-Lilo... Nani's little sister how low can they be harming an innocent child like that, poor kid must be frighten having to deal with something like that." Seeing death Eaters must have been even more scary then dealing with a wolf but Evaine couldn't know until she comes across one someday. "Hey shh shhh.." she was shocked of how much he had to deal with feeling his grip tighten around her, careless his clammy salty face. She found herself gasping at him saying You-Know-Who was their and someone casting some kind of curse on them "So that's how.." she couldn't finish not wanting to think about his wolf form. If anything couldn't get any lower he had to show up and get some students to do his dirty work "Hey, why could you ever think I would hate you.. You didn't have a choice they threaten your loved ones, you was scared. Jim i'm so sorry.." her voice soft trying to find anything to calm him down. "Wait does that mean... he knows what you are?"

"I don't know. Who knows why they wanted her? I just hope that nothing happens to her." Jim rubbed a hand over his face. "Nani was one of the first friends I made her, after I met you guys. I just...I wanted to protect her sister as best I could, but..." He shook his head. Once the Imperius Curse had been cast, there had been nothing he could do. Hell, he probably would have harmed Lilo if he had gone near her. He found himself sighing with relief when Evaine said that she didn't hate him for his decision. He had hoped she wouldn't, but he felt he had to be sure. After all, walking into the hands of Death Eaters wasn't exactly a very smart decision. "I don't know if he does," he replied. "Maybe I was just selected at random. I mean, like I said, there were a bunch of other people there. It seemed totally random. I think they just...they didn't care who they got, as long as they got as many people as possible to...spread the Dark Lord's message." He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. "I'm just...I feel scared now. I have no idea what happened to the others, if they escaped or got put under the curse along with me. I don't even know if the Shrieking Shack is a safe place for me to go during the full moon anymore. The Death Eaters chose that spot to group us all, what if it's a place they go to often? If they see what I am, they could easily wait until I'm vulnerable and try to go after me again. I just...I don't know what to do."

"Hey, hey calm down everything.... going to alright. I promise ill never let anything happen to you." Evaine sat up putting his head on her lap "try... oh I don't know what to say or do to make you feel safe." She said shaking her head "I just... I'm feeling useless at the moment, your upset and crying here. I doubt know what to do..." she sighed "in the morning we can go see if the others are alright.. is that ok?"

Jim saw that Evaine was getting upset, and that wasn't good. He didn't like making her feel that way. "I'm sorry. I just...give me a moment." He tried breathing deeply again, trying to get his emotions under control. He couldn't afford to freak out again. He had to keep calm and think carefully. There was nothing more he could do at the moment. All he could so was just sit and wait and see what happened. "Yeah, the morning...sounds good." He sighed. "I don't want to come out of here for a while."

Eva was feeling useless that she couldn't do anything to help Jim out, not knowing what to say or do to make him feel better. Hearing what she said she whipped her teary eyes "ok." She said not caring if she had to stay just to keep him from over thinking things "I'll stay with you." She rubbed his face before leaning in to kiss him but stopped herself and pulled away. "Can I lay back down." She laughed a little looking down at him

"Hey, don't cry, nothing bad is going to happen to you," Jim said, reaching out to hold her face gently with his hands. "I'm going to do my best not to hurt you. I promise." He may have no control while he was a wolf, but Jim was determined to do all he could to make sure he didn't hurt Evaine like this again. Maybe his efforts could help prevent it from happening, maybe not. But he was determined to try. Jim finally cracked a smile at her. "Come here, you," he teased, pulling her into his arms as they settled back down on his bed.

Evaine looked at Jim as he held her head in his hands gently. She nodded her head with her lower lip poked out wanting times say it was her fault for getting between them to protect Jim from aliss's brother. Letting out a slight giggle she cuddled up close to him wrapping her arm over his chest. Nuzzling her head against his chin she looked up at him and peeked him on the lips

This was more like it: just him and Evaine snuggled up against each other, all problems put aside. These were the moments he loved the most, when they could just focus on each other for a short time and not worry about things like werewolves or psychotic ex-boyfriends. Moments like these kept Jim sane amidst all the madness around him, and he treasured that a lot. He could see that Evaine was still hesitant in kissing him after his earlier rejection, but he was feeling better now that she had calmed him down a bit. He pulled her closer as he pressed his lips against hers.

Evaine had snuggled up closer against his body, pulling her hair over her shoulder. She blinked when he pulled her closer pressing his lips against hers. She cupped the side of his face, pulling him closer deepening the kiss. Evaine sighed in pleasure at his kisses loving the feeling of his lips against hers

This was what he needed. This was what would keep him sane, would keep the nightmares away. Just having Evaine's body next to his, feeling her lips on his was enough to keep away his fears and worries. Even at a crisis like this, she still worked her magic, and he loved her for it. His arms wrapped around her waist as he kissed her more eagerly, losing himself in the taste of her lips, the soft touch of her fingers against his cheek.

Evaine let out a slight giggle placing her other hand on the other side of his face. Letting lost in the kiss almost forgetting about the chaos that happened moments ago, Eva just kissed Jim a bit deeper pouring her love out in each kiss. She pulled herself over him slightly, her legs getting tangled around his, brushing up against the fabric of his jeans. She slightly pulled away to breath, smiling at him she tilt her head pressing her lips against his again.

Jim could feel things getting heated up quickly between him and Evaine, and he liked it. He was losing himself, thinking of nothing except how sweet her lips were, how soft her skin was. His legs wrapped around hers, pulling her closer to him. He smiled back at her, reaching up to brush some of her hair out of her face before they started kissing again. He could feel Evaine's love for him in every kiss, every touch, and it helped push away the darkness that was threatening to cloud his mind.

Eva let out a slight moan from the back of her throat, her hands snaked down from his face to his shoulders. Gently she massaged them while she continued to kiss him. She pushed her hair over to her shoulder so it wouldn't tickle his face. Evaine brushed her tongue against his bottom lip but controlled herself not to go any further.

Hearing Evaine moan seemed to spur Jim on. He kissed her more passionately, his body arching up against hers. Her hands made his skin tingle pleasantly. His own hands traveled up and down her back, her shirt the only thing between his fingers and her skin. He wished he and Evaine could just stay like this forever, just the two of them, with no worries clouding their minds. Why couldn't life just be that simple? Instead, it had to unload a butt-load of problems on both of them, making their love ever harder to keep alive. But the hardships they had suffered had only made them stronger. They were determined to keep the spark between them, the spark that made them become intoxicated with each other every time they kissed or held each other. Jim could feel it now, and he loved every moment of it.