I've Got Troubled Thoughts(Tag: Anyone!)

Todd was lying on the grass, eyes closed and arms crossed over his chest. His shoes were half on, his feet poking out at the heels. The letter was up in his room, folded up and shoved into a dresser. It had come early this morning when he was trying to sleep off his hangover. Was it pathetic that his heart had leapt when he saw that it was from her? There wasn't much encouraging news in it - no, that was a lie. She said she'd been remembering. That was good, so very good. It meant she was getting little pieces of herself back, and he was happy for her. He felt stupid and selfish when he thought about the fact that he wished those memories included him. He sighed audibly and sat up, legs still stretched out in front of him, toes pointing in the direction of the lake.
Selfish wasn't the only thing he was feeling these days. Also mixed in was guilt. He wasn't clear on whether or not the things he was feeling were technically cheating. Not that they were together anymore or anything.
Sure, she'd said it was okay to move on - but he didn't want to have to move on. He wanted the old days back, so much it felt childish. What made it worse was knowing that she didn't feel the same way. Sure, she wanted to, but he felt alone with his misery. The fact that she hadn't gotten everything back in her head over the course of two months((ooc;That's how long summer is for Hogwarts, right?)) was troubling, too. But he might have to get over her anyway, even if she did eventually remember him. She might fall for some other, handsomer, cleverer guy who could take care of her and make her happy. That was what he wanted, really - her happiness, that is, but he didn't think it was supposed to hurt this much.

she'd been watching him for a while, it seemed the best way to make the thoughts buzzing around in her head stop, her people watching. it was most peculiar watching this guy, because though he didn't do anything, Pippa had been loathe to leave him for a while. she stood up when he sat up and walked over, smiling a little. "I might be good a talking, but I'm a good listener too. even if you don't know me, what's up?" Pippa sat down beside him and waited.

((Sorry I haven't posted before now dear! I've been out of town the past few days visiting my best friend.))

Todd had been lost in his own thoughts, enveloped in his worries and hopes. He jumped a bit when a fellow red haired girl sat down beside him. He simply stared at her for a moment, his brain trying to catch up and process what she'd said. He was sure that he'd never her before, and was almost certain that she was a first year. "Um...just thinking..?" he offered, eyebrows raising in surprise. "Stuff bothering me, I guess?" It was more of a question than an answer, but he'd been rather caught off guard by her sudden appearance.

((aww, totally understandable! I'll probably do the same thing when my bff comes home from college XD))

Pippa picked up the notebook she’d been holding and opened it, showing him a picture of a dark haired Indonesian boy on a ship. “that’s my friend Billy. He’s sixteen and I’ve liked him for a long time, but he says I’m too young. I know the look you had” she looked down a little sadly at the picture before putting it away. “like the person you love more than anything is too far away and continues going, and you can’t catch up but you want to” she heaved a sigh then smiled at him brightly. “I’m Pippa. You probably know me by name, most people do. But if you don’t, that’s ok too” she scooted closer to him and propped her chin on her fist. “wanna tell me about it? It might make you feel better. And don’t worry, I won’t tell if you don’t talk about Billy. Not even my best friend knows about him” Pippa grinned and waited for him to start talking.

((OKAY. So the next few things Todd mentions DID happen in the old RP Chessie had, and are all completely canon. So, yeah, I don't just have a freakish overactive imagination...or something.))


Todd blinked, suddenly realizing who she was for the first time. Filch's kid, the one a few people had been talking about. He listened mutely to her little mini-monologue. When she was finished he glanced out toward the Willow, a slight frown on his face. "Interesting," he murmured, digging around in his own thoughts and trying to figure out the best way to present this.

"There was this girl, last year," he said, deciding that it would be best not to say her name. Maybe she didn't want a stranger to know all these things about her; he wasn't quite sure why he was saying them himself. "We were friends. Actually, I think she hated me a little in the beginning. I liked to tease her, which I guess got on her nerves. She blushed a lot. Slowly, though, we got close. One day we went swimming and the mermaids kinda...attacked us. Didn't hurt us or anything, but we could've...drowned, I guess?" He took a breath, feeling that familiar, bitter guilt. "We got out okay, but only 'cause of her brother. He was pissed - oh, sorry," he said, interrupting himself as he glanced down at the first year, hoping his use of language wasn't too alarming or something like that. She was kind of young, after all, and he wasn't sure if she was used to cursing, even at such a small degree. "Anyway, one night we decided we liked each other. Loved each other, actually. But she got into a potions accident - huge explosion, I heard - and she doesn't remember me." He'd left out and simplified a few parts, but it didn't feel possible to explain the whole thing. Plus, he had all these other feelings that he didn't know how to deal with.

He ran an anxious hand through his own hair before letting out a sigh. "And don't worry. I won't tell anyone about Billy."
((I originally posted on the wrong account >.< Sorry 'bout that.))

She sighed when he apologized at the swear. “I lived with sailors half my life. Billy is a sailor” Pippa listened with a focused look and nodded in the right parts. “so she doesn’t remember you ever being together, or meeting…that’s worse than my problem, I’m sorry” she bit her lip and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m sure things will turn out alright, at least I hope they do. You’ve got a chance to get her back, you know…” she smiled slightly. “thanks. I don’t know what would happen if someone found out I liked someone so much older than me, probably nothing good, especially concerning daddy…” she sighed.

((no problem ^^))

Todd raised an eyebrow but nodded. He supposed that was something he should have thought of. "Well, it's not really like you can say one problem is worse than another. Doesn't mean yours hurts more than mine or...something," he said, offering a hesitant smile when she patted him on the shoulder. "I do have a chance, but it doesn't really feel like it. Besides, I want her to be happy and...I'm afraid to fall for somebody else, even though she doesn't exactly love me anymore."
He cocked his head at her. "You can't exactly help who you like, though, can you? Like, it's not your fault you like the guy."

"have you tried kissing her? in the fairytales, it always works..." except this wasn't a fairy tale, was it? "maybe if you ask, she'd let you. it can't hurt to try..." Pippa scratched her head. "I don't want to move on, so I understand there. I don't know what to say though..." she shrugged and sighed, bringing her knees up to her chin. "well, no. it's not. he acts like it is though. I guess I understand. uncle is the captain of the ship and all..." she sighed and rested her forehead on her knees. "why's love so hard?"

Todd smirked, nearly laughing aloud at her suggestion. "Uh...no, I don't think that'd be a good idea. I haven't even seen her this year so...yeah." He let out an exasperated sigh. Yes, love was hard. It was all hard and complicated; he really hated it sometimes. He thought about Brie, who'd said she liked him last night. Sure, she was drunk, but she'd also told him a whole other range of things which he was sure were true. Saying that love was hard was an incredibly simplified version of the truth, but the truth nonetheless.

"Either way, though," he sighed. "We'll be okay." Of course, it didn't always feel that way, but they had to be alright, eventually. Right?

she shrugged, not offended when he laughed. "just a suggestion. she's at home, isn't she? after something like that I bet she had to be, so they could help her remember. but what...what if not seeing you is the reason she hasn't been remembering you?" Pippa shrugged at his last statement noncommittally. "if you say so" she smiled wryly at the ground. "I'm supposed to be the happy one, you know? everyone's always going 'oh, Pippa? yea she's fine. she's always fine' but I'm not...thanks for talking to me"

Todd bit his lip slightly, thinking that over. They'd seen each other a bit before summer last year, but he supposed Pippa could be right. "Maybe," he mumbled, picking at the pieces of grass beneath him. His gaze flicked back to the girl when she continued talking about how she apparently wasn't 'fine'. He wasn't sure if anyone was really fine. "No problem, pipsqueak. I guess I needed to vent a bit, too. So...thanks."

she wrinkled her nose. "who you callin pipsqueak?" but she was giggling. "hey, I never got your name"

The boy's eyes widened fractionally; how had he forgotten to give her his name? He supposed that was what happened when you were all tangled up in your self pity. "Oh, right! Sorry, I'm Todd. Todd Cross," he said, nodding in greeting. Though it wasn't really as if any more formality was necessary. They'd kind of already poured out their secrets to each other, after all.

"Todd Cross....I know someone else with that last name, I threw them overboard. I didn't like her at all, but you're nice. I like you just fine" she smiled. it was in a completely platonic way, though, of course. she was to caught up in love for someone else to think about loving Todd. "but why so formal? I mean, we did just confess our deep dark secrets to each other, that's kind of cause for informality, right?"

Todd raised his eyebrows at the 'threw-her-overboard' thing. Of course, he didn't know the details, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to. "Mm, yeah. You seem okay, too," he said, offering a small grin. He simply shrugged when she suggested there was no need for the formality. He was rather at a lost when it came to manners. Of course, sarcasm came much more naturally.

((Crape sorry pretend I'm on Todd's account.))

((aww, no worries))

Pippa shrugged. "what? she didn't die or anything" the girl grinned and ran a hand through what loose hair there was on her head. "well, that's good. I'd be really embarrassed if I didn't come across as ok and we told our secrets to each other. it would be...really embarrassing, wouldn't it? and weird..."

Todd chuckled slightly, shaking his head. "Yeah, okay. Good to know I didn't just pour my heart out to a homicidal maniac," he said. He sighed through his nose, figuring he'd better get back to the Common Room soon for the little meeting his friends would be having. "Incredibly weird," he agreed. "But I'm pretty weird anyway, so that'd be no surprise. Though I probably wouldn't be squealing to you about my love affairs if I thought you were totally off your rocker.

she giggled. "yea, that would be bad, wouldn't it?" Pippa stood up, rocking back and forth on her heels. "well, so am I. everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I'm not. and I wouldn't either, if I thought you were crazy that is" Pippa clasped her hands behind her back and looked at the sky. "I can see you're about ready to leave, so I' won't keep you. just wondering; does this make us friends Todd?"

Todd followed suit, standing and stretching. He glanced down at the redhaired girl and managed a smile. "Sure it does, Pipsqueak!" he said, giving an agreeable nod. "Sharing secrets and all that jazz, how could we not be?" He started back toward the castle, offering a slight wave. "Take care o'er yourself!" He then turned to face the castle and quickened his pace a bit until he was behind the doors.

Pippa grinned. "I'm not a pipsqueak! and good, I need more friends, and you're nice" she waved at his retreating figure "yea, you too!" Pippa continued looking for a moment before she turned and walked in the direction of the lake. so much to do, so little time. at least she had a new friend.