-END- Desires? Do I Have Those? [tag: anyone]

"I had people, I just...didn't think they could relate," Jim said, sighing. "My parents tried, but...I guess I just...thought they would never understand what it was like to be me, to...be a werewolf. Sometimes...I feel like I'll never find anyone. I read about all these werewolves and stuff and I think 'Why the hell are none of them here?' It's...frustrating, at times. Bet you can relate to that a bit." There was probably nobody in this school that had gone through the same things Brieanne had, had suffered the way she did. He sighed again. "I hate being one-sided," he muttered. "You deserve better than that."

"You will. It just takes time.. time is of the essence. Well, I don't really know what that means, but I guess it's relevant," said Brie nonchalantly, laughing humourlessly. "I know.. I hate it too.. it's like.." She twitched when 'You deserve better' left his lips, her mind taking a totally different route. She had no control of it anymore.. "It's like being in love an knowing you're the only one that feels that way, yet you keep holding onto that one little sliver of hope until it shatters.. and then you try to pick up the pieces and glue them back, and you can't do it and--" She caught herself mid-sentence, biting her lip and casting her eyes towards the mirror. "Sorry."

"Seems like time is the only solution to things like this these days," Jim said, sighing again. "It just goes by so slowly though. I want this bad stuff over now. I don't want to wait for years for it to be gone, if it ever becomes gone at all." Jim was impatient like that. He glanced up at Brieanne when she suddenly started talking about love, specifically unrequited love. "Brie, did...something happen?" he asked, not sure if he could get her to talk about it. "You can tell me, you know."

"Time is a little bitch," said Brie, shaking her head. "It slows itself, makes itself faster.. only when its convenient for itself. It's inanimate, but it's just a little bitch."

Brieanne shifted her eyes over to Jim after her little spiel, feeling totally vulnerable. "..No. Nothing happened. Just the fact that I'm the only one without a working love interest right now. You've got Evaine, and Todd, he.." she trailed off, forcing herself to finish the sentence, "Despite what he says, he loves Penelope.. and, I mean, I'm not the type to be jealous or try to break them up even though they're not together or whatever, but it kind of bothers me.. adds to my list of things I need to get rid of. Just love in general kills me."

"Todd and Penelope? Really? I had...no idea." So that was why Penelope had been asking about Todd when she and Jim had met. There was something going on between them, something romantic, apparently. But did she love him back? That was something he didn't know. Maybe she had mixed feelings about him right now. Jim had been the same way when he and Evaine had first fallen in love with each other. "Don't worry, Brie. You're going to find a guy that's awesome and will treat you right. Trust me, if a werewolf like me can find love, you can too."

"..Well, uh, he doesn't like to talk about it for reasons I won't say.. it's not my place to tell," said Brie, shrugging. "But you're a guy. When it comes to love and relationships and stuff, guys have it easier. You too.. even with your werewolf side. Me, though.." She scoffed, tugging on her braid again. "I'm like.. damaged goods or something. It's kind of hopeless."

"Trust me, I'm not nearly as well-repaired as I seem to be," Jim replied. "This whole werewolf thing has broken me in places that can never be fixed. By the time I'm thirty, I'll probably have some grey hairs and look as shabby as an old tree during winter. But you...you can move on, heal...more than I ever could. The Death Eaters, You-Know-Who, they're gonna be stopped eventually, I know it. And after that happens, you can put the past behind you and live the life you're meant to have."

Brie shook her head at his statements, blinking her eyes. She knew for a fact that she had enough emotional baggage on her to last her at least 40 years. "I'm eighteen years old, Jim. I feel like I'm freaking 46 or something. I've had to make decisions that I shouldn't have to and go through things even the strongest adult shouldn't.. I'm tired already. Really, really tired. I hate to admit it, but I really am.. and I just want everything to stop. Don't you ever feel like the world is just too much for you to handle?"

"Brie, I've gotten that feeling so many times, I can't even count," Jim replied. "I was...ten, when I got bitten. I've gotten a little...better at dealing with this curse now, but to go through it as a kid...when your sense of fear is irrational enough...and then to find out that you turn into a monster as terrifying as the ones you imagine under your bed or in your closet...I felt like every day was a battle that I lost every time. I felt like I was losing my mind half the time. And I just...shut myself off from everything and everyone, because I felt like I couldn't take on anything else. How could I make friends when I was afraid of myself?" He sighed. "I know what it's like to...look back on your life and just wish you didn't have to see all the horrible things that make it up."

Brie looked at Jim solemnly as he recounted his earlier years. The kid had gone through some stuff.. and she felt for him, she really did. "I still do it. Shutting myself off, feeling like I'm going insane.. history repeats itself. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I'd been born as a different person.. completely different. Wonder if my life would be any better.."

She fell silent for a few moments, falling victim to her thoughts. "Well, no need to be melodramatic and stuff all day.. have you talked to Evaine any?"

((Okay, I have to ask because it's driving me nuts: Why have Rose and Vivienne switched icons? Wasn't Vivienne originally Jane or something? XD I'm just like "Did I miss something?" XD))

"I'm no different in that retrospect," Jim said, sighing. "I keep imagining how things might be different if I didn't have this curse...if I had grown up as a normal kid. Although, I guess...part of me feels like if that had happened...I may not have become friends with you guys. Maybe either way, I would have met you, but...I don't know. I feel like that kind of stuff is reserved for Divination, and I suck at that subject." He gave a little laugh. "Um...yeah. She's...helping me out with...dealing with all my woes and what-not." He sighed again, but it was a bit of a happier sound. "Don't know what I'd do without her." He glanced at Brieanne. "Maybe the three of us should go into Hogsmeade sometime, get some butterbeer." He paused for a moment. "Well...Todd can some too, of course. I just wasn't sure if...you wanted to see him. That's totally fine, either way." Great. Now he was tripping over his words again. Just his luck.

(xDD Me and Chessie switched Disney reps c: ))

"..I can totally like, help you out in Div," said Brie, nodding a confirmation, "Not perfect in that subject, but I'm pretty good." She didn't say much until he mentioned Todd's name, the rock in her chest that was her heart dropping about a thousand feet.. or so she thought. "It's not that I don't, it's just awkward.. and it hurts. Typical feeling for me, nowadays. I dunno, it's easier said than done, moving on.. thought it'd be easier than this."

((Oh, okay. That's what I thought, but it still got me wondering. XD))

"Thanks," Jim said, smiling at her. "I need all the help I can get. And Eva's probably tired of helping me out with every other school subject. I just feel like it's...hard to focus sometimes, you know? With everything else going on out there, school work just seems so...insignificant." He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "We can keep it just the three of us then: You, me, and Eva. Is that okay?"

((Haha, yeah! c: ))

"Yeah, I totally get what you mean.." said Brie, sighing softly. "It's just a lot.. too much. Especially in people's minds.. there's bound to be some mass chaos around here.." She narrowed her eyes, thinking of what Tod told her that night at her father's mansion.

He'd said he did have feelings for her, but it was just complicated.. and Brieanne totally understood this. At least, she thought she did. She'd been thinking about the future, thinking how it'd all play out. It was depressing, but at the same time hopeful. "That's fine.. but I don't want Todd thinking we've left him out. You can ask him if you want.. don't think I want to talk to him alone right now. I'm liable to break down again."

Jim nodded. Brieanne knew exactly what he was getting at. It seemed like the only other person who understood was Evaine. All three of them had gone through horrible things in their lives. It felt like the worst thing Todd had gone through was finding himself caught between Brieanne and Penelope, which Jim understood a bit. After all, he used to be caught between Evaine, Aurora, and Perseus once. But Jim had found out who was the one for him. Hopefully, Todd would do the same soon. "Maybe I'll see what Eva thinks," he suggested. "Maybe getting a third opinion on this will settle things."

"Yeah, hope so.." said Brieanne, blowing air out through her lips as she felt the baby kick again. "Not sure if you wanna feel, but.. Alyvia's kicking." She looked up at Jim, a slight smile on her face as she sat up straight, the roundness of her stomach defining itself. "Go on, if you want to.. she's got quite the pair of legs on her."

Jim glanced up. "You've chosen a name already?" He wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Giving things names made people more attached to it. If this baby ended up like the last one...Jim didn't want to think about it. But he brushed his hair back as he approached Brieanne. She seemed almost...proud, of the little girl inside her, like she loved her already, even though she hadn't seen her face yet. Maybe that was a maternal thing. He sighed as he placed his hand on Brieanne's stomach, his fingers splaying out a bit. Almost immediately, he felt a thump against his hand. "Jeez, you're right," he said, laughing a little. "Feels like she's got karate legs on her or something. How much room does she have in there?"

"..Yeah, I have," said Brie, almost a little quizzically. "What, is that odd or something?" The confused look on her face quickly faded away as Jim laughed, a slight smile gracing her face. Good, it wasn't too awkward for him. "Yep, she's gonna be a fighter.. she's got just enough room right now, but I'm not that ready to get THAT big yet.. y'know, with school still going and stuff. Have to cast an enlarging spell on my desks now as it is," said Brie, shrugging, "Her safety and comfort is all I'm worried about right now."

"Never mind," Jim muttered, shaking his head. He didn't want to rain on Brieanne's parade or anything. Sure, he was worried about whether this baby would live and whether Brieanne would survive if she lost her, but Jim didn't want to expect the worst when maybe the best could happen. After all, Brieanne had her friends to help her. That was something she didn't have before. Maybe that was the advantage she needed that would keep this baby alive. "Oh, yeah, enlarging spell might help," he said, laughing a little. "Let's just hope that the teachers don't ask any awkward questions. Not sure how good that would be for us."

"Let them ask their questions," Brie said indifferently, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, really.. what could the severity of their inquiries really be to me? It's just a question. Besides, I don't have to answer anything I don't want to."

She grinned, twirling her wand in her hands. "I can always use the excuse of pregnancy hormones if I ever get annoyed to the point where I jinx a few people for pestering me.. there's one advantage." Brieanne always tried her hardest to not sugarcoat anything, but she always felt as if she was contradicting herself. She knew how badly she reacted to being criticized, as well as her short temper. It all added up to destruction of some sort, whether it be physical or mental.

Lately, her mind hadn't been cooperating with her. It was like her body was moving at a much quicker pace than her subconscious was willing to go, and it messed her up. All the days seemed like months, and every sunrise blended with the sunset. She was just floating through life now.. and it was going to be hard to get back into the normalicity of everything.

Jim laughed. "Your jinxes have come in handy during the year." More than once, Brieanne had shot a curse at Leroy when he was harassing Evaine, which both she and Jim were grateful for. Leroy always seemed to back off more easily when Brieanne was in the room. Jim wasn't sure if he could go as far as to say he was scared of her, but he seemed pretty close. "Let's hope your kid gets that from you. Putting up a fight is always an amiable trait."

"Yeah, they have.. almost forgot about those little incidents.." Brieanne said with a chuckle, patting her stomach. "She will be a fighter.. I just don't want her to be exactly like me.. never. She.. she won't know the pain I've gone through for herself, she'll be loved every single second.. and she'll always have someone to turn to. She won't be.. she'll never be alone."

Despite the memories that sprang up in her gut at those words, she attempted a smile, looking up at Jim. "You should know by now that I'm not the same Brieanne that you met at the Great Hall. I'm messed up, Jimmy.. and that's my first time admitting it. I'm.. I'm not alright in the head at the moment, and that's a really hard thing for me to come to terms with. Everything is just so jumbled up and screwed to hell that I can't.. I can never focus on one thing."

Jim glanced up, his brow furrowing. Did Brieanne still feel alone? "Yeah, we'll...help look after her, if you like," he said. "But...you're not alone, Brie, even if none of us...understand what you've gone through. We'll be there for you, no matter what. I know I can..get wrapped up in my own life sometimes, but...I'm always willing to help you out if you need it." He sighed, that guilty feeling starting to creep up again. He felt like if maybe he had paid more attention to Brieanne, and not be swept away by his problems and love life, maybe he could have helped her not be so messed up now. "Isn't there some way to...make things better? I mean, I was kinda...broken, when I got here. But you guys have helped patch up parts of me. Maybe...the same can happen to you."

Brieanne looked down for a brief moment, her eyes flicking back and forth between Jim and the floor. "I feel alone. I do.. and it's not just because I haven't been around you guys. I feel alone even when I'm surrounded by people. Your life is your life, of course you're going to be engrossed in it.. and I don't hold that against you, Jim."

She leaned back in her chair, putting her arm to her mouth as she coughed, cringing at the slight pain her throat was giving her. "I'm not denying the fact that you all haven't helped me, because you have.. but, my thing is, I can't think straight at all. I.."

She hesitated a bit, then released the tension in her body. Somebody had to know. "I've thought about.. taking my own life lately. It'd always be late at night, when the silence is consuming and.. everyone is at peace.. and it'd just come to me, the thought of dying.. wondering if.. wondering if my little girl would be taken care of if I just.. killed myself after she was born. That's the kind of stuff that goes on in here," she pointed to her forehead, biting her lip, "..It scares me, it really does. It's like I'm a ticking time bomb.."

[sorry for taking so long! i'm not feeling well and i just hit a major writer's block-wall Dx]

"Brie, no, that...that's not how things have to be," Jim said, his hand taking hers again. "We'll find some way to make things better. I don't know how, or when, but...there's gotta be something. It...can't stay like this." He winced at the sound of her cough and put a hand on her back to keep her steady. He hoped she wasn't getting sick or anything. That wouldn't be good for her, or the baby. But when Brieanne mentioned how she wanted to take her own life, Jim shook his head. "No, no, Brie, that's not...that's not going to be how your story ends," he said, his voice shaking a little bit. "You need to be here, for us and for your daughter. She needs her mom to look after her, and nobody can do that better than you. She's got your fighting instinct, remember? And you, me, Eva, Todd, it's always been the four of us, and that's how it's going to stay. No matter what else happens in our lives, we'll always have each other to lean on."