An Anger Like Fire [tag: anyone]

Brieanne had decided to station herself in the Forbidden Forest after feeling too dangerous to be around normal people that day. She couldn't figure out why, but she was feeling angry and on a short fuse all the time as of late, and everything bothered her. She hadn't drank in a few weeks, and she was familiar with the feeling of withdrawal, but this was different. It wasn't induced anger, it was her own.. harbored in the depths of her soul for however long. "Merlin, help me.." she said quietly, sitting down and leaning against a tree. "I'm losing myself.. and for what? My dad's gonna keep manipulating me.."

As she sat down, she kept getting angrier, and finally whipped out her wand, casting a quick Incendio on a near tree. She did have enough sense to put a barrier around it so it wouldn't burn the surrounding trees, but something in her snapped. She just wasn't the same Brie everyone knew.

Miranda wandered through the Forbidden Forest aimlessly as usual. She loved the quiet and the solitude. The smell of pines filled her nose, sending a serene peace coursing through her. Her talk with Dean had sent her emotions reeling, and she desperately needed a calming down. It was amazing how much animals could sense about a witch's mood. They watched her carefully from a distance, but still stayed near enough. She sighed wearily. She just didn't want to deal with these age old emotions. She had come to Hogwarts to escape her past, not come face to face with it.
As she walked, her nose twitched with a foreign scent. Her head perked up and her eyes widened, scanning the surrounding area. Smoke, she smelled smoke. She strained her eyes, looking for its source, but the trees were simply too dense. She whistled two sharp notes. Quickly, a pack of bluejays flittered toward her.
"Show me," she whispered to them. Immediately, they took flight towards the edge of the forest. She followed them at a run, dreading what she would find. To her fury, she found one of her students sitting against a trunk, near the flaming tree.
"Aguamente!" She shouted, pointing her wand at the tree before rounding on the student.

Brieanne's head did a sharp turnaround when the spell was casted, her eyes dark and blank. Suddenly, she had no strongholds, nothing to hold her back from lashing out. "Are you ANGRY, Miss Melgrove?" she asked in a menacing, almost mocking tone, "Are you angry that I burned one little precious tree?"

She scoffed, the air around her thickening as she stashed her wand back in her pocket, "Heh," said she, keeping her mouth closed until she parted them to speak, "If I was in my right mind, Miss Melgrove, I'd be sorry. Very sorry. But I'm not. I'm the student that was gone, disappeared for a few days, came back and been in a wheelchair because of undisclosed events, and is now losing her mind over my predicament. Do you honestly think I care about a bloody tree? I can always fix it.."

Brie then picked up a stray branch, blinking her tired eyes once and turning it over in her hands, the bark feeling rough and tense as she snapped it, "..but you can't fix a snapped person."

[OOC: yep, sorry for Brie's bitchiness. xD I've had a sorta rough start to the week.]

Miranda's eyes flashed dangerously. Few every saw her temper. Only a threat to her creatures had the ability to make her angry. She turned her wand on Brieanne.

"That tree was home to more than you realize Brieanne. Creatures that cannot simply find another tree, as so many ignorant witches and wizards believe." She said coolly. "If you cannot control your own temper than you don't deserve your wand."

Her knuckles whitened around her own wand. But as the young Ravenclaw continued to speak, her face softened back into it's regular warmth. She took a deep, calming breath and slowly lowered her arm. Whatever this girl had been through, she desperately needed an outlet. Miranda just had to make sure it wasn't one of her charges. She rested a hand against the charred tree, still radiating warmth.

"You can't ever fully 'fix' any living think, Miss Devereaux. You can make the tree LOOK as it once did, but you've altered its essence forever. No living creature will ever return to it's branches. They will be too afraid. The tree will slowly wither away, lonely even among a forest."

She paused and glanced at the young woman out of the corner of her eye. "Just like a person can make themselves look whole and fine on the outside, yet be dying within."

Brieanne gave the furious woman in front of her a look of partial annoyance, keeping her lips pursed as her eyes focused on the wand pointed at her. "Who said I wanted to be deserving of it," she asked blatantly, keeping her voice monotone as she took a deep breath, letting it out with her words, "I am the flame, Miss Melgrove. I am the fire that burned the tree. I am every tiny spark, every burst of wildfire that ever was. I am fire. It's in my soul. I can't be controlled."

She brushed her fingertips over her palms, wrinkles forming in her forehead, "In all sincerity and honestly, Professor, I've been dead for a long time now. I guess it's just come back to haunt me, you know. I never asked nor foresaw any of this. All the worst things in the world.. someone had to go through them. Rape, pregnancy, abuse, forcefulness.. it's all a part of me." She looked over at the woman, blinking once, "And you're preaching to me about a tree."

Miranda's eyes softened considerably and her face returned to it's usual warmth. The pain and loneliness in this young woman's eyes was simply too much to bear.
Slowly, she began, "fire in and of itself is not a bad thing. Nor does it always have to be destructive. If nurtured it can be beautiful and fierce and wondrous. Even in it's wildness, it's inability to be controlled, if you will."
She twirled her wand in the air in an elegant motion. A long, purple flame trailed from it, dancing elaborately the air as she spoke. With a flick of her wrist an orange strand joined it.
But as Brieanne continued speaking, the flames dissipated and her heart filled with grief. She took a step forward as if to comfort the girl but stopped, unsure how the broken girl would react.
Instead, she said softly, "no one asks for the pain heaped upon them. Even the insane amount of horrors you have experienced. And you're right." her face darkened. "that pain does become a part of you, consuming you until you can't breathe."
She paused and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, reining in her anger at the people who had destroyed this girl's life.
"I am defending a tree, miss devereaux. Because every life is precious. Your own, that tree, your friends. The pain you have endured never justifies hurting another's life."

Brie sat in revered silence for what seemed like forever, her mind still glued on something else. An absentminded hand went to her stomach, empty as ever, but it being a past home for one of the most loved human beings on the planet. "Don't touch me.." she said, looking at Miss Melgrove in a worried stance, "You don't need to touch me. I don't think you quite understand, Miss Melgrove.. my father is not a typical one. He.. has certain views I don't approve of, and when I expressed my opinion.. he made me pay for it. He did away with my baby boy, do you hear? He was so loved.."

Her expression had gone blank as she spoke, the girl biting her lip, "Life is precious, but I don't think I can take losing anyone else. It just makes me so angry sometimes, Professor.."

"I won't touch you Miss Devereaux." she confirmed. As the girls hand curled around her stomach, Mirandas heart sank.
"oh sweetie," she gasped. Only years of carefully controlling her emotions kept tears from spilling from her eyes. She had longed for a child but for now that dream was out of reach, but to have a son taken from you...
" having a loved one taken from you is never easy." her eyes clouded over slightly. " it's darkness and loss. It's confusion and pain. Its horrific yet numbing at the same time." she swiped a hound over her face.

It just makes me angry sometimes professor."

She looked the young woman in the eye. "I know, honey. I know." she paused, trying to decide how much to tell her. She had to maintain her professionalism as her professor. But she also needed to identify with the hurting young woman.
Slowly, softly, she began, "I know that anger. It's all consuming until you can think of nothing else. And the littlest things can trigger it. And it hurts, but you can't make yourself let it go. Because letting go of that anger, means opening yourself up to the pain you don't want to admit lives inside of you." she paused and looked steadily into her eyes. "but if you let it that anger will destroy you, and hurt anyone and everyone you care about."

Brieanne's gaze hardened as Miss Melgrove spoke, the arm that was around her stomach trembling before she took a breath, her eyes clouded over. "I've spent almost my entire life being angry and hurt, all caused by other people.. sometimes my own stubbornness. It's not right that the world dumps hard things on people who don't deserve them.. and I'm not talking about myself. I know plenty of people who've had terrible things happen to them, and they are the most wonderful souls that ever walked this planet.."

She leaned against the tree, the smell of the smoke burning her lungs, "..and by the punctuality of your words, you've experienced everything you've described.. and that's what pisses me off. Nobody like you deserves to be hurt."

[Sorry sorry sorry I took so long! D: I'm really busy getting ready for my jaw surgery next week and all, and I hit a major writer's block spell, so Dx Sorry again!!]

[totally cool! life gets crazy. Hope your surgery goes well!}

Miranda forced her face to remain soft and warm, despite the anger that began boiling within her. She couldn't stand seeing people hurt and the hands of others. But despite her attempts to contain it, her eyes flashed briefly with anger. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to reel in her emotions.

"No, it's not right. People have bad things happen all the time. You know who and his followers are only the most obvious evils in the world. But do you know why people that have had these things happen to them are the most wonderful souls?" She paused. "Because the tragedy, that disaster shapes them. The light shines brightest in the darkness, Brieanne. And those souls are the ones that can guide others through the night."

Miranda glanced down at the ground at Brieanne's last words. "Yes, I have experienced it. I know the pain and the anger, the fury, the fear. The grief..." She raised her head and looked the young woman in the eye. "But you know what? It has made me stronger. It has widened my eyes to the world. Now, I have the strength to protect those who can't defend themselves, like I wasn't able to help him." Her voice faded into barely a whisper.

She knew He would be mentioned.. he seemed to arise in every conversation she had as of late. It made her feel uneasy, like she was walking on a tightrope. Brieanne dared not to show any hint of her ties to the Dark Lord to the woman. It'd only spark unwanted happenings.

She wondered who exactly this 'he' was that Miss Melgrove spoke of so softly, but she could tell it was a sensitive subject. She wouldn't want anyone asking her about her father, nor her late son, so she decided to respect her Professor's privacy. "I'm sorry, whatever you went through.. I'm sick to my stomach, really. The people who have the motive and the gall to ruin other people's lives.. they just don't deserve the breath of life. If it was up to me, we wouldn't have evil.. but, then again, the only way evil became what it is is because of the corrupted good."

[Yep, it sure does.. and thank you, hun! Means a lot <3]

Miranda was silent for a moment.
Finally, she looked up and grinned humorlessly. "I told myself there was a reason. I locked myself behind my anger. It consumed me, Miss Devereaux." Her smile faded quickly. "To the point where I hurt my dearest friend, Sitka, the healer. I pushed him away for years, and he couldn't understand why. But I was too angry."

The people who have the motive and the gall to ruin other people's lives.. they just don't deserve the breath of life

Her heart went cold. The young woman seemed to echo her own thoughts, her own desire, to hunt down every last death eater. And make sure they couldn't hurt anyone else.
She locked her eyes with the Ravenclaw's solemnly and whispered, "Maybe you're right. Maybe good intentions can have evil consequences. I suppose we all have to watch ourselves, but also hold one another accountable. Sometimes..." she said slowly. "The best way to face anger is to voice what causes it."

{I just had a crazy idea. must pm you! }

"I've been numb for a while," said Brie, looking in the distance towards the castle, "Not many people expect someone like me to be that way, but.. I am. It takes a lot to hurt you to the point where you flinch at certain sounds, your mind scarred by the memories you never wanted in the first place. I take it out on.. certain substances, but everyone has their ways of coping."

She took a slow, deep breath, letting the oxygen fill her up before looking at the calm professor, "It's just all too much. I already know you feel the same way. It's too much for us to handle, losing someone you love.. for me, loving someone that's tied to the past.. it's heart wrenching. You want the best for them and you tell them exactly that, but your heart's not sure that it can take any more breakage.."

"Being numb, isn't living." She stated. "I know. Like I said, I've been there. And it WILL take time, lots of it. But the best thing you can do is TRUST those left who care about you. You'll know who they are. They're the ones who push and push you. Who keep coming back no matter how hard you try and hide."

She smiled softly.

loving someone that's tied to the past

"Oh I know about that all too well. The past hurts, and you don't want to be reminded of it by anything or anyone," She sighed. "But that is one dilemma I have not yet worked out." She glanced up at Bri. "I know you don't trust me. And that trust takes time. But if you want to talk about your situation, my ears are always open."

"Maybe I'm not alive, Miss Melgrove. None of us truly are. We all have restraints holding us back from truly living. It's different for every person, but they're there, nevertheless. I only trust myself, and three others. That's all. The rest.. are questionable," Brie said, starting to pick at the grass.

"I'm so tired of talking to people about my problems. That's all I've been doing so far this year.. I feel so selfish. I've taken up a lot of my friend's time.. they don't seem to mind, but I feel guilty. I've never had someone that'll actually listen to everything and anything that's happened or is happening to me.. Some things people take for granted. I just don't want to lose those three true friends I have. They're.. everything to me."

"I disagree, Miss Devereaux," she replied firmly. "When I'm here in this forest, I am fully alive, loving and being loved by all of the creatures who dwell here. It's a bliss I hadn't felt in years. I feel able to take on the world." She smiled warmly. "It is our passions that truly set us free."

She knelt in the charred grass, sitting back on her heels.

"Ok," she said simply. She didn't blame the girl for not wanting to talk about it anymore. Talking about pain meant reliving it. "Friends are definitely important. They carry you through the toughest of times, and run with you when you reach the good. Even if you haven't reached that part yet, I promise," she looked the girl squarely in the eye. "You will. Sitka helped me see that a long time ago."

She picked a flower from the edge of the burned area. "When we're wrapped so tightly in our pain and in our fear, we can't see the good in the world." She held up the bright purple flower. "But there is beauty all around us, if we choose to look. Life has not been easy for you. And I guess it will not grow any easier. But it is our ability to see the beauty, to see the light, that makes us strong. You. are. strong. You have persevered. You rise each morning to face the new day, no matter how hard it gets....or how much you might not want to."